Family caregiving is about a relationship between many people. Choosing to take charge of your life means you recognize that you are only one member of the caregiving team. Making active choices in your own best interests is not selfish; rather it is often the most important choice you can make for your entire family.

As we travel through life one thing is for certain we will meet head-on with “life changes.” It is said, “Life happens while we are busy making plans.” We can try resisting change; however change is our constant traveling companion – and sometimes an unwelcome guest.

Unexpected changes tend to unnerve us and make us feel uncomfortable – it’s like traveling through uncharted waters without a compass. At times change can make no sense – it either comes on too quickly or evolves too slowly. As we travel between life changes it is the unfamiliar road in between when one route ends and a new route begins when we feel the most uncomfortable.

Becoming a family caregiver is one of those life changes which can occur suddenly and without warning, or it can evolve slowly over time. However, regardless of the events which place us in the caregiving role, it is the unfamiliarity of the uncharted waters which cause us the most distress. If we choose to constantly fight change we will struggle our entire lives. We need to find a way to embrace these changes or at the least accept them.

Skills Needed for Advocating for your Loved One:

• Educate yourself regarding your loved ones illness/and or disability.
• Communicate efficiently and succinctly with healthcare professionals.
• Recognize you are a healthcare consumer and deserve quality healthcare.
• Understand you are an important member of the healthcare team.
• Give input and ask questions.
• Pick your battles and don’t sweat the small stuff.
• Realize that sometimes it is the squeaky wheel which produces results.

We all go through varying stages of emotions when our lives have been transformed by becoming a family caregiver. Research has shown there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. All of these emotions are part of the framework which makes up our learning to adjust and cope to our life as a family caregiver while we watch someone we love struggle with chronic illness.

On occasion some become sufficiently angry and search for ways to deal with their anger by channeling it into a constructive endeavor and caring enough to become activists for a much larger cause. Sometimes we will find the energy and passion not only to advocate for our loved one’s well-being but for all family caregivers.

Empowerment for Family Caregivers

What does it mean to become empowered? NFCA defines empowerment as a sense of confidence in your ability to bring about positive changes in your circumstances and to rise above the day to day challenges you face in your caregiver journey. It’s the optimism we strive for to take a positive approach in an effort to achieve a better quality of life for ourselves and our family. Sometimes it is the tiny changes we make in our lives which can have the most profound impact towards a much healthier and positive outlook.

Four Principles to Live By Include:

• Believe in yourself and take charge of your life.
• Protect your health
• Reach out for help
• Speak up for yourself and stand up for your rights

Doctors are faced with questions everyday regarding even the most common ailments. Many people who experience these symptoms write them off as minor and may not seek medical attention when it’s needed. Here we provide you the information you need to determine whether your symptoms may indicate a greater medical issue.

What could it mean when you’ve experienced unexpected weight loss?

• Diabetes (symptoms include weight loss, intense thirst and frequent urination)
• Depression (experiencing weight loss, apathy and insomnia)
• Stomach Ulcer (indicated by weight loss, severe and recurrent upper abdominal pain)

Why is your cough persisting even after you’ve recovered from a respiratory illness (i.e. the flu)?

• Pneumonia/lung inflammation (cough worsens as opposed to improving)

What might the sudden onset of an itchy rash mean?

• Anaphylactic shock; a severe allergic reaction to medication, food or bug bite (signs may include the appearance of hives, and swelling around the mouth or face). Emergency treatment is required!

When might your severe headaches be telling you?

• Tumor (symptoms are blurred/double vision, loss of peripheral vision, instability when standing or walking, nausea and/or vomiting)
• Aneurism/mild stroke (sensation described as “unlike anything you’ve ever felt before, with a sudden onset of symptoms)

When could your chest pain be more than indigestion?

• Heart attack (experiencing severe pain in center of chest, also felt in shoulders, arms or back, nausea and sweating and/or shortness of breath)
• Angina/ arteriosclerosis; hardening of the arteries (symptoms include dull heavy chest pain brought on by physical strain or extreme emotion which disappears with the reduction of physical and emotional stress)

If you are experiencing any of the above symptoms or have concerns about any persistent medical issues, please contact your physician as soon as possible.

The bathroom and the kitchen are not the only places where your family member can get hurt. Most households have other danger zones as well. Controlling access to these areas becomes an issue sooner or later in most caregiving households.

When you care for someone with Alzheimer’s disease, accessibility can be a double-edged concern. You may want to make some areas in your home “off-limits”, such as outside doors, stairways, closets and other places where important or potentially harmful materials are stored. On the other hand, you may want to improve access to some areas – making tubs and showers more accessible or making stairways and outside steps easier to use.

As a rule of thumb, try to improve access in areas that encourage the person to do things independently as long as it is safe. Limit access when the family member’s abilities and understanding have diminished to the point that he or she needs supervision to be in an area.

How can families come together in caregiving?

Here are some suggestions:

• Express your feelings honestly and directly. Let your siblings know their help is both wanted and needed.
• Keep family members informed regarding a parent’s condition.
• Be realistic in your expectations. Allow siblings to help in ways they are able and divide tasks according to individual abilities, current life pressures and personal freedoms. Assistance with errands, finances, legal work or other indirect care may be the best option for some family members.
• Express appreciation to your family for help they are able to provide.
• Accept siblings for who they are and expect differences of opinion.
• Try to respect other’s perceptions and find opportunities to compromise.

If communication is particularly contentious, arrange a family meeting that includes an outside facilitator, such as your FCA Family Consultant, social worker, counselor, religious leader or friend. A trusted outside party can ensure that everyone’s voice is heard.

If siblings are unable to help with care, seek other assistance to provide a respite for yourself. Call your local Caregiver Resource Center, Area Agency on Aging, Senior Center or other community resource to locate help.

Try to forgive family members who continue to refuse to get involved in a loved one’s care. The only thing we have control over in a situation is our reaction. Attempt to work through your negative emotions to take care of yourself and move forward.

http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/content_node.jsp?nodeid=868

Providing care for an aging or ill parent can bring out the best and the worst in sibling relationships. Ideally, the experience of caregiving is a time for siblings to come together and provide mutual support to one another. However, as a stressful transition, the pressure can also lead to strained connections and painful conflict.

One major source of sibling friction is the legacy of family dynamics. Invariably, the demands of caregiving bring out old patterns and unresolved tensions. Past wounds are reopened and childhood rivalries reemerge. It is not unusual for adult children to find themselves replaying their historical roles in the family, recreating old dynamics of competition and resentment as they vie for mom’s attention and affection.

Another conflict can arise when one sibling is in denial over a parent’s condition. Adult children who seem unable to accept the reality of a parent’s illness and refuse involvement may be protecting themselves from facing a parent’s eventual death and their own loss. More active siblings may react with bitterness and anger.

Most often though, discord surfaces from the unequal division of caregiving duties. Generally, one sibling takes on the primary role of caring for a loved one. This may be because he or she lives closest to a parent, is perceived as having less work or fewer family obligations, or is considered the “favorite” child. Regardless of the reasons, this situation can lead the overburdened caregiver to feel frustrated and resentful and other siblings to feel uninformed and left out.

Resolving these conflicts can be challenging. But ignoring the difficulties in a caregiving situation can create greater challenges. Ultimately, strained family relationships can impede a family’s capacity to provide the greatest quality of care to a parent.

Visit in two days to read our family elder care tips.

By Chris Campbell 

Probably one of the most difficult things you’ll every have to do, is care for someone with Alzheimers. The reality that the person with Alzheimers is likely very close to you, only makes the task more challenging. Being armed with as much Alzheimers info as possible, and knowing where you can turn to if you need more help or information can make a world of difference. Being someone who cares for another human being puts you into a category with a high degree of burnout. It can be a stressful, thankless job. You need to stack the odds in your favor as much as possible.

Don’t Be Afraid To Ask

Nobody likes to look clueless, and it’s human nature to be reluctant to ask questions. Now is the time to go against that nature. The medical community, specifically your physician, or the physician of your patient should be your first avenue for help. Be as involved as possible in their care That includes doctor visits, hospital visits, and any therapy or coping sessions the Alzheimers afflicted individual attends. Seek out other sources of information as well. Support groups, medical journals, newsletters are all good places to start. While a good doctor can be a fountain of information and support, they are probably very busy, and you are likely one of hundreds they see every week. You need to educate yourself as much as possible.

Lean On Me

While arming yourself with as much Alzheimers information as possible is a great strategy, don’t try to be Superman. Having a plethora of information is of no help, if your too exhausted to put it to good use. Medical professionals in the community should be able to point you towards organizations and support groups for caregivers. Potentially even specific to caregivers of Alzheimers patients, depending on the size of the community in which you live. These groups may even be able to provide temporary support for your Alzheimers patient while you attend to personal matters.

Your Already Doing The Right Thing

Suggesting you should look online for Alzheimers information and support may seem kind of redundant, since your likely already reading this article online. But, there may be other online resources your not aware of for help. Messaging and chat rooms are great places to go, if your looking for immediate interaction and feedback from like minded caregivers. Discussion boards while not quite as real-time-interactive, can be better, because they maintain their discussions forever. Chat room discussions tend to just disappear.

Choosing to care for someone with Alzheimers can be one of the most generous gifts a person can give. Be sure you prepare yourself with the information and support you need to set yourself up for success. It will benefit not only you, but your patient as well.

Americans are reversing what had been a nearly century-long decline in the participation of older people in the workforce.

For both workers and employers, the rising number of older workers is the result of choice and circumstance.

Workers, faced with shrinking medical and dental benefits and less generous retirement plans, find they don’t have the financial resources to support themselves in retirement, so a lot more of them are returning to work.

Companies, faced with a labor gap that will rise to 4.8 million workers within 10 years and 20 million within 20 years, are seeing older workers in a new light. Older workers represent a pool of talent companies need.

Conventional wisdom used to be that employees over 50 cost companies more in terms of medical problems and missed workdays. But that may not be the case, as studies show that costs associated with older workers are about the same as those of younger workers.

Workers over 50 make up for additional health costs by being more reliable and often more productive than younger workers. An AARP survey of human resource professionals showed that 77% said that older workers have a higher level of commitment than younger workers, and 68% said it cost less or the same to train older workers compared to younger workers.

Older workers also tend to have fewer or no dependent-related health- or child-care costs, and they require lower training and recruitment costs, according to Gail Jern, human resources manager for Westaff.

This month, we offer up some classic zingers….

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” —Stephen Bishop

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” —Groucho Marx

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” —Oscar Wilde

“He had delusions of adequacy.” —Walter Kerr

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” —Clarence Darrow

And finally, this exchange between George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill:

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend…if you have one.” —George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…if there is one.” —Winston Churchill, in reply